


just because you can doesn't mean you should

by izzybeth



Category: The Ten Stupidest Things I've Heard Since Richard III's Remains Were Identified (Blog Post)
Genre: Gen, embryonic english monarchs, riffing on Jurassic Park, scientists behaving unethically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-05 23:27:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1099809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izzybeth/pseuds/izzybeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Who wouldn't want a sexy little Anne Boleyn of their very own?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	just because you can doesn't mean you should

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Skew](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skew/gifts).



> Skew said _the concept of using cloning technology to create a kind of Jurassic Park full of historical monarchs._ How the hell was I supposed to pass that up. It didn't end up being exactly that, but. Names are taken from two very badly behaved characters in Jurassic Park because I am weak and easily amused.

"What happens when our government funding runs out?"

"Pfft, who needs the government? Nickel and diming science to death, I swear. No, private funding is where it's at these days. And no pesky code of ethics to adhere to, either. Some of these gazillionaires are madder than Strangelove; we're poster children for good lab behavior compared to those guys." Dodgson grabs his coffee as the two scientists head into the embryo room.

"No food or drink around the embryos, man."

"Oh, lighten up, Nedry." Dodgson leaves the coffee on a lab table anyway.

"So basically we just need to find some crazy rich dude who wants to fund our project of cloning long-dead English monarchs?"

"Yeah. Shouldn't be too hard. We'll put an ad on Craigslist."

Nedry checks the coolant gauge on the cryo-container of DNA samples, and makes a note on her clipboard. "You're very confident. Liquid nitrogen and pseudo-uterine tanks aren't cheap, y'know."

"Of course I am. This project is totally marketable, investors will have to see that."

"Marketable."

" _Yes,_ Dr. Nedry, why do you doubt me? Who wouldn't want a sexy little Anne Boleyn of their very own?"

Nedry sighs and lifts the top of the cryo-container. Dry ice vapor pours off the column dramatically, and she walks around it, checking off names as she goes. "Six Henries, five Edwards, five Georges which is silly but that's mental illness phobia for you, four Williams-- how are we doing, sourcing that early stuff?"

"Nothing before 1066."

"Really?" Nedry can't help but be disappointed.

"Yeah, I've put out feelers to the archaeological community, but you know how hard it is to locate Anglo-Saxon remains." Dodgson smirks, and puts on a high-pitched, mocking tone. "Maybe if I write a letter saying I've found Alfred the Great in my back garden, we can get Time Team on it."

Nedry snorts. "One Elizabeth, two Marys, two Charleses, two Jameses-- did we ever make a decision about the disputed claimants?"

"Thumbs up."

"Great." Nedry ticks another box on her form. "If we can get a viable Henry I, we can totally get a Matilda."

"And a Jane."

"So who are we missing still? Two Henries, three Edwards, John, one George, Stephen, Anne, and Victoria, oddly."

"It's those damn conservationist historians. Westminster has gotten unfortunately wise." Dodgson runs a hand through his hair, frustrated. "Anyway, now we've got _this._ " He holds up a plastic vial. "Care to do the honors, Dr. Nedry?"

"Thank you, Dr. Dodgson." Nedry carefully takes the vial from him and slides it into the empty slot marked RICHARD III. "How'd you get it, anyway? I thought the Leicester dig was pretty well locked down."

"Oh, the lead osteologist was a Tudor spy."

"You're kidding, right?"

"Well, for some people, the Wars of the Roses never really ended, you know?" Dodgson pauses. "You don't get out of the lab much, do you." It's not a question.

Nedry scowls. "One of us has to take care of the admin crap, and since you refuse--"

"All right, all right, look, I've got a lead on Edward II, you should take it."

"No, no, I wouldn't want to keep you from Indiana Jonesing all over the countryside." Nedry pushes the cryo-containers closed. "I'm not interested in your pity leads. I have to check the tanks."

Dodgson follows her out of the embryo room and snags his cup of coffee off the table. It's cold by now, and he makes a face. He trails after her across the lab to the tanks, and Nedry rolls her eyes. The tanks are in chronological order by date of embryogenesis, and she stops in front of the readout for the William I clone. "Subject appears to be stable and in good health," she mutters while writing on her form. "Growth time from embryo... sixty-three days." Nedry eyes the clone suspended in its tank. "Only two hundred and seven to go, approximately." She writes it down and moves on to the next, and the next. Dodgson admires Nedry's adherence to detail, but finds it all sort of boring.

He brushes past her to the tank holding the Richard II clone. "This one's about ready to pop, I think."

"What's the readout say?"

"He's at two hundred sixty-six days."

"Chemical levels?"

"Oxytocin rising steadily over the past couple weeks, prostaglandins all over the place."

"How time does fly," Nedry says and abandons the tiny clump of cells that is George IV. "Is the containment chamber ready? Call the anthropologists. We'll deal with the decanting, but after that, he's all theirs."

After a protracted and somewhat convoluted phone conversation with the anthropologists (but what would you expect from the soft sciences anyway), Dodgson has a new, hot cup of coffee and he stands in front of the Richard II clone's pseudo-uterine tank with Nedry, who has finally abandoned the clipboard and form.

"We should find some non-standard NDAs."

"Mmm." Far too obsessed with bureaucracy, Nedry.

The clone kicks a bit, shifting in the tankful of fluid.

Dodgson sips his coffee. "We should start recruiting for the marketing department."

"Maybe wait until this one has a few companions?"

"What does a clone need with companions?"

"Don't say that when the anthropologists get here. I only meant other successful decantings."

"Right, of course." Dodgson tilts his head. "It looks rather human, doesn't it?"

"Shouldn't it?"

"Well, we did splice in that DNA sequence from Charles VI of France."

"That's what the non-standard NDA is for." Nedry looks thoughtful for a moment. "We could start drafting that Craiglist ad, though."

"I'll get some paper."


End file.
